Simply Misunderstood XO

September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month so I went TEAL for 30 days to spread awareness. Join me on my journey.

Saturday, September 1

As a little girl you dream of growing up, getting married and having a family; dressing up your little girls and protecting your little baby boy; watching them grow older and older until they do the very same with their own children; spoiling your grandchildren even more than you did your children, and feeling proud of each and every one of them… that’s the perfect picture, isn’t it?

Well what if someone told you that wasn’t going to happen for you? What if someone said you’d have kids, but wouldn’t be able to be with them as they grow older? No graduations, no weddings, no grandchildren. You wouldn’t believe them. But, that’s exactly what ovarian cancer did to this little girl. She’s dressed as an angel in this picture then, but because of this disease, she’s an actual angel in heaven right now.

The little girl in this picture is my mom, quite some time ago. We all wish we had the ability to know the future, but the truth is we don’t. Nothing could’ve prepared her or my family for what happened to us on April 11, 2009. That’s the day my mom may have lost her battle with ovarian cancer, but I refuse to lose the war!

Luckily, September is National Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month, a dedicated time to talk about and bring awareness to this horrible disease that affects so many. I hope after this month is over you will learn not only all about ovarian cancer, but also a little bit about life, love, and loss. I plan to use these #30DaysOfTeal to get #30ShadesOfReal and show the world there’s more to a person than meets the eye. I invite you to embark on this journey with me as we remember those we’ve lost, celebrate those who have won, and encourage those still fighting.

Ovarian cancer accounts for MORE DEATHS than any other gynecological cancer, causing approximately 14,000 deaths each year. So it’s important to #KnowOvarian so you can prevent your sister, mother, grandma, aunt, daughter, cousin, friend, or even YOU from becoming a part of the statistic. #Day1

“Change your life today. Don’t gamble on the future, act now, without delay.”

 

Sunday, September 2

Have you ever looked through old pictures of your parents? Learning which of your siblings looks like which parent and which just totally look adopted, asking questions and hearing new stories about all of the bad (and good) things they did? If you haven’t, you should — while you still can — because that’s something I’ll never be able to do with my mom…all because of ovarian cancer.

I had only just turned 15 years old two months before she passed. Now, almost 10 years later, I’ve realized I will never hear the stories (from her perspective); I will never know her thoughts about the past; I will never learn her regrets and things she would do all over again; I will never understand why she did the things she did.

Had we known the signs and symptoms of ovarian cancer could be easily mistaken for other common aches and pains – bloating, difficulty eating/feeling full quickly, abdominal or pelvic pain, needing to urinate more frequently, back pain – perhaps we could’ve seen it coming and tried to prevent the inevitable. I cannot stress enough how important it is to #KnowOvarian and keep this from happening to your family if you can, because NO ONE deserves to go through what me and my family did 10 years ago. #30DaysOfTeal #30ShadesOfReal #Day2

“Life is full of happiness and tears; be strong and have faith.”

 

Monday, September 3

When my siblings and I were younger, every time we saw an old friend of my mom all I would hear is how much my sister looked like my mom! They would say, “Wow she looks just like Donna!” This always used to make me mad because of course every daughter looked up to her mother and wanted to be just like her! Especially now that she’s gone and I wouldn’t have any other way to connect with her, I wanted so badly for someone to recognize the connection between her and me. Well, I’ve come to learn, while my sister may physically look like our mother, I was the only one who got her eye color! 👁

If you remember anything from biology, you would know brown eyes are the dominant gene and all of the colored eyes are recessive. So would you ever guess that a woman with brown eyes and a man with green eyes would have TWO babies with colored eyes and only ONE with brown?? I don’t know the exact chances of that, but I know I wouldn’t have put money on it! Well, somehow they did and now I’ve come to realize how special that makes me…I may not LOOK like Donna, but I’m the only child with her eye color (and middle name 😉).

Sometimes the odds just don’t play in our favor, just like what happened with our family and ovarian cancer. A woman’s risk of getting ovarian cancer during her lifetime is about 1 in 75. For me, that’s like 2 people out of my high school graduating class; it’s not bad odds, but it sure as heck ain’t good ones! That’s why it’s so important to #KnowOvarian so you can do something about it even if you can’t beat the odds of getting it! #30DaysOfTeal #30ShadesOfReal #Day3

“The truth is you don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed.”

 

Tuesday, September 4

Do you ever notice those people who can never take a bad picture? It seems like they always look good in every picture they take, even when they’re not ready. I swear that was my mom. Every picture I look at she looks better and better, even when caught off guard!

She was kind of always like that in person too, always smiling and putting on her best face, especially when she was sick. She did not want anyone to know how much pain she was actually in; her first instinct — ALWAYS — was to be strong, especially for her kids. That is something I truly admire her for, to this day. I don’t know if I would be where I am today without her strength and courage that was passed down to me.

Ovarian cancer puts on a disguise too, believe it or not. It’s known as “the silent killer” because symptoms in early stages are often vague and go unnoticed. That’s why it’s so important to #KnowOvarian. Ovarian cancer whispers, so we need to not only listen, but be LOUDER than it. Learn the signs and symptoms so it doesn’t sneak up on you too. #30DaysOfTeal #30ShadesOfReal #Day4

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.”

 

Wednesday, September 5

I think we all know that as we grow older, it gets harder and harder to stay healthy. So, we enjoy it while it lasts and abuse our bodies while we’re young because we can handle it. There’s nothing wrong with having fun, as long as you realize the repercussions of it long term.

You can’t control what your body does sometimes, and that’s the unpredictable part. Especially as a female, your body goes through things as you get older, changing both the way you look and feel on the outside as well as the inside.

It goes without saying, the older we get the more risks we face, both male and female. Even if you take the best care of yourself, life could have a different plan and you could lose it all. So just enjoy what you have while you have it & work for something you want if you really want it.

When it comes to ovarian cancer, all women are at risk, but older women are more likely to get the disease than younger women; the greatest number of ovarian cancers occurring in women aged 60 years or older. Now, my mother was ONLY in her early 40s when diagnosed with ovarian cancer, and passed away 4 days before her 45th birthday. If that doesn’t encourage you to #KnowOvarian then I don’t know what will! Like I said, you can do everything right but when this disease picks you, it knocks you down and sometimes the odds just aren’t in your favor. So start spreading awareness to your mothers, daughters, sisters, grandmas, aunts, cousins and friends! #30DaysOfTeal #30ShadesOfReal #Day5

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”

 

Thursday, September 6

When I was growing up I wasn’t much of a partier. That whole high school “clique” thing was (sadly) SO true and I was probably coined a “nerd” just because I did my homework and actually applied myself. I was so ready to be done with high school, especially since I was forced to mature and grow up at such a young age with my mom being sick and all. I was over everyone and everything and couldn’t wait for college.

It wasn’t until about my sophomore year of college that I became interested in the party scene (I’m sure that had a lot to do with the breakup with my boyfriend of 3+ years, but that’s another story). I had finally found a great group of friends that I could trust and had fun with, & I was learning that it really was okay to let loose sometimes (responsibly) as long as I kept up my grades and was making decisions that would make my family proud.

It wasn’t until I turned 21 and could finally go out to the bars legally that I realized how much fun this part of my life was going to be and how much fun it could’ve been had I been able to experience it with my mom. I ‘cheers’ 🥂 to her up in heaven all the time, and I know she’s up there doing the same! (Especially today, because it’s my dad’s birthday! Happy Birthday Nelson! 🎈)

With each passing day and milestone without her, I wonder what it would’ve been like with her here too. But at the same time I know that every 23 minutes another woman in the U.S. is diagnosed with ovarian cancer, and I can’t help but think of them and their families too. The more you #KnowOvarian the more time you might get to spend with that mother, daughter, sister, grandmother, aunt, cousin, or friend across the country that is being diagnosed as you’re reading this. #30DaysOfTeal #30ShadesOfReal #Day6

“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.”

 

Friday, September 7

As I said on #Day1, it’s every little girl’s dream to fall in love and live happily ever after; I’m no exception. Being in a relationship teaches you a lot about yourself – what you like about a person, what you can’t stand, what you deserve, and certainly what you DON’T deserve. Whether you’ve had that first love yet or not, it’s something purely magical and for me it lived up to the hype…of course until it came to the end.

There’s something about a first love that sticks with you (hopefully only until you find that right one). But, in this case, it’s not the relationship that I got the most out of – it was the breakup. I knew it was going to be tough, but I never expected what I went through.

Sometimes I wonder…maybe it wouldn’t have been any easier on the heart, but maybe it might’ve been easier on my mental state to have a mother to run to and talk about this with; a mother to hug and comfort me through the pain; a mother to dry my eyes when I couldn’t even see straight; a mother to let me know everything would be okay and that it DOES get better. Yes, I often think about how much manageable that would’ve been. I know she could’ve lent some great advice and empathy (because she too, had been there before). But unfortunately, ovarian cancer robbed me of that experience.

Each year approximately 22,000 women in the U.S. get ovarian cancer, a rate that has changed little in the last 50 years. This is unacceptable. We NEED to improve this number so every girl out there has a mother to turn to in times of heartbreak (and every mother can be there for her children)! #30DaysOfTeal #30ShadesOfReal #Day7

“Life is a journey that must be traveled no matter how bad the roads and accommodations.”

 

Saturday, September 8

Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing seems to change but when you look back, everything is different? Looking back I don’t think very many people (including doctors) were educated about the signs and symptoms of ovarian cancer.

All I remember about by mom’s diagnosis is her keeling over in (abdominal) pain in the kitchen every night after cleaning the dishes. She was also very bloated, more than usual. I’m not sure just how many times she went to the doctor before someone actually took action about it, but it was TOO LONG.

Now I feel like more people and doctors are aware of the signs and symptoms and should be able to help quicker, however not many people realize the symptoms until it’s too late. Unlike mammograms to screen for breast cancer, there are NO early screening tests for ovarian cancer. YOU have to be your own detection. This is why we all need to #KnowOvarian. #30DaysOfTeal #30ShadesOfReal #Day8

“Just when I think I have learned the way to live, life changes.”

 

Sunday, September 9

So I’ve been talking a lot about love in these posts. Well, that’s because I love love! And I love my family, especially! I was lucky enough to have these two wonderful, supportive, loving parents who I can honestly say did parenting right (especially compared to how I see some kids raised nowadays!). One day I hope to find the love that my parents once had! I know they would’ve lived long happy lives together had my mom not been taken from us so early.

The funny thing about love is that there’s no way to prevent it. The heart wants what it wants. Speaking of prevention…there is no way to prevent ovarian cancer, which is a problem and why I advocate so hard to #KnowOvarian, so that more people will be aware of the symptoms & become knowledgeable enough to take action ASAP! Do your part and learn the symptoms. You never know, you could save a life in the process. #30DaysOfTeal #30ShadesOfReal #Day9

“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.”

 

Monday, September 10

Peep the teal in my dad’s shirt…😉  As I’ve been looking through old pictures, I’ve noticed they’ve been repping teal for longer than it was significant to us. I wonder if maybe those who were familiar with ovarian cancer back then secretly got happy whenever they saw someone wearing teal—whether the person knew what it signified or not— because I know I do now.

Yes, teal is probably the color to represent many other diseases and illnesses, and I don’t want to take that away from them, but in September I think it’s a given that it refers to ovarian cancer awareness. There are currently about 200,000 women living with ovarian cancer in the United States, so let’s show them (and their families) support and respect for their strength. There was probably a time they didn’t #KnowOvarian, and had to learn the hard way. Don’t let that happen to you or your family! Learn the signs and symptoms! #30DaysOfTeal #30ShadesOfReal #Day10

“Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor.”

 

Tuesday, September 11

Becoming a parent must be an exciting time! Although I haven’t hit that part of my life yet, I can only imagine how much joy bringing a baby into this world can be. If you look closely, the shirt my mom’s holding says “PROUD NEW MOMMY”. Well, little did she know over 15 years later I’d be writing about how PROUD I am to have had her as a mom. 💜

I may not have been the first-born, or the baby/only boy (yes, I’ve got the middle child syndrome), I am definitely the one who is most expressive about my feelings (well, at least when it comes to writing). From what I remember and what I’ve been told, I know she definitely expressed her feelings too, sometimes a little too much! I guess I got that from her…

But what I also got from her is her enthusiasm and passion…all driven by love. So now I’m going to use that passion to help you #KnowOvarian because (and I’m sure she’d agree) no one deserves to lose a mother, wife, sister, daughter, aunt, cousin, niece, or friend to this horrible disease! Although there is no early screening test, there are some factors that can decrease a woman’s risk of developing ovarian cancer – pregnancy, breast-feeding, and oral contraceptive use. If you’d like to learn more, visit ovarian.org. #30DaysOfTeal #30ShadesOfReal #Day11

“The bird is powered by its own life and by its motivation.”

 

Wednesday, September 12

Before my mom was, well, a mom she was young, just like I am. It’s hard to imagine your parents’ lives before you came along, but it’s amazing to hear the stories! Anyway, in high school my mom was a twirler. She had a few batons in the house and occasionally I would take them out and she would try to teach me the basics. Of course, I could never do it as good as her, but to this day I still have one of those batons.

Losing such a significant person in my life at such a young age, it gets hard to remember those old memories sometimes. When there are physical things to remind me of those memories, it does help, but it still makes me wonder how life would be different if she were still here. It’s kind of sad if you think about it, needing inanimate objects to remember a real-life person.

A woman’s lifetime chance of dying from ovarian cancer is about 1 in 100. Unfortunately, my mom was that one person, but let that motivate you to #KnowOvarian. If you know the signs and symptoms you give yourself a better chance of not becoming the unlucky 1 (in 100). #30DaysOfTeal #30ShadesOfReal #Day12

“Life is not always easy to live, but the opportunity to do so is a blessing beyond comprehension. In the process of living, we will face struggles, many of which will cause us to suffer and to experience pain.”

 

Thursday, September 13

Throwing it waaay back for #Day13. My mom looking adorable with that cheesy smile! 😁 Kids can just be so cute right!? But, you don’t want to have one unexpectedly, and one way to prevent that is to use oral contraceptives, AKA birth control.

So you may be wondering, why am I bringing up birth control? Well, because the longer you use birth control, the lower your risk of developing ovarian cancer! I used to think this was a myth but I recently attended a seminar with a researcher/doctor in the field that confirmed this. Specifically, using oral contraceptive for 5-10 years lowers your risk of getting ovarian cancer by 35-50%. #KnowOvarian #30DaysOfTeal #30ShadesOfReal #TBT

“Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.”

 

Friday, September 14

Many factors can increase a women’s chance of developing ovarian cancer – family history of breast, ovarian or colon cancer, genetic mutations (like BRCA), post-menopausal, and increased age (40+). For the record, my mother was only in her early 40s when she was first diagnosed, there was no family history, and she had not hit menopause yet. What we didn’t see coming was the genetic mutation, specifically BRCA1.

BRCA 1 and 2 (BReast CAncer) mutations are genes that most notably increase the risk of female breast and ovarian cancer, but also have been associated with other types of cancers in both men and women. The mutation can be passed to you from either parent, and we happened to find out (after diagnosis) that my mom had the BRCA1 mutation (passed down from her FATHER). Had we known about this sooner, she probably could’ve taken precautionary measures to lower her risk.

It’s important for both women AND men to #KnowOvarian. Protect your children too by getting tested for BRCA. #30DaysOfTeal #30ShadesOfReal #Day14

“Live life to the fullest, and focus on the positive.”

 

Saturday, September 15

The face you make when someone thinks a Pap smear test detects ovarian cancer… It does not! It determines cervical cancer. There is NO early detection or screening test for ovarian cancer. I’m sure if my mom were here she would tell you this now too (with the same face)…know the signs and symptoms. YOU are your own detection. #KnowOvarian #30DaysOfTeal #30ShadesOfReal #Day15

P.S. – Hope you somewhat enjoyed the humor in this post. It’s a serious topic, but sometimes the information absorbs better as a meme!  😄

“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”

 

Sunday, September 16

Any good mother prides herself on her children. But, my mother wasn’t just any good mother; she was a selfless, caring, loving, determined, darned proud mother of three (in her eyes) perfect children! I swear that woman would do anything for us. She showed up to all of our sporting events and supported us in everything we did. She was so involved as a parent when we were in school, and even though we may have thought that it was embarrassing at the time, I am thankful to her for it. It was just that much more precious time I got to spend with her.

As a child we learn a lot from our mothers and they give us so much. They just want to love and protect us. But, when the BRCA mutation comes into play, that is something you DON’T want to give your children, however it’s something you can’t protect them from.

If you remember from #Day14, I told you my mother found out she had the BRCA1 mutation, which is probably a big reason why she developed ovarian cancer (and so young). Well, mutations in BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes account for around 15% of ovarian cancers overall. Carriers of a BRCA gene mutation face a lifetime risk of ovarian cancer between 10-60%. Just another big reason you should #KnowOvarian. Know your body; know the signs; know your risk. #30DaysOfTeal #30ShadesOfReal #Day16

“Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself.”

 

Monday, September 17

There are a lot of things I wonder about her…If she were still here what would she be like now? She’d be much older and I would’ve had another 10 years growing up with and loving her. Would we be best friends? Would she care about my problems or just tell me I’m complaining too much? Would she actually enjoy my sense of humor or just pretend laugh and play along? Would she be giving me advice or letting me figure it out by myself? Just think how many more memories we could’ve made together…

It’s a sad thought but it’s the truth; this is what goes through my head. And I’m sure anyone who’s lost someone close to them at a young age knows these kinds of thoughts all too well. But, I don’t want you to feel bad. I’ve done my mourning, I’ve done my grieving (given it does come back occasionally from time to time) but now it’s time to honor her; make her proud; make her life worth it; give it a meaning. You can do that if you #KnowOvarian. You may just save someone else from having to feel how I feel.

Treatment of ovarian cancer is most effective when it is found early, however only 15% of all cases are diagnosed in the early stages. Again, this is due to the non-specific symptoms and lack of early detection tests. Educate yourself, your family, & your friends. You never know, you may just save a life in the process. #30DaysOfTeal #30ShadesOfReal #Day17

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.”

 

Tuesday, September 18

My mom was always the one taking pictures of everyone else and never actually in any pictures. As someone constantly behind the camera, whenever someone did offer to be the picture taker she made a joke like “hey, mom was actually there!” I’m not sure exactly where she was going this night but, I do know, by the angle of the camera, it was probably a short child taking this picture of her. “Hey, look, mom does get dressed up and go out!” Lol And I’m so glad she did and we got this shot of her.

When ovarian cancer is diagnosed and treated in the earliest stages, the 5-year survival rate is over 90%. Too bad only 15% of all cases are found that early. Otherwise, maybe we would’ve gotten more photos of this beautiful woman. #KnowOvarian #30DaysOfTeal #30ShadesOfReal #Day18

“Everything has beauty, but not everybody sees it.”

 

Wednesday, September 19

Looking back, compared to other moms, my mother may not have been the one wearing the fancy clothes, or the one prepped with a face full of makeup, or even the one with her hair always done perfect, BUT she was always RELIABLE! We could always count on her to be right there on the sideline or in the audience cheering for us every step of the way. In fact, she rarely wore makeup (natural beauty!), and she didn’t have to worry about being the “best dressed” because she was always more concerned about just getting to our games and awards ceremonies and talent shows. And that, my friends, is more important than any materialistic thing.

You know what ISN’T reliable though?? Screening tests for ovarian cancer! There is STILL NO consistently reliable screening test to detect ovarian cancer. YOU have to do your own screening. YOU have to know your body. YOU have to know the symptoms. YOU have to be your own detection. You have to #KnowOvarian. #30DaysOfTeal #30ShadesOfReal #Day19

“It’s not about forcing happiness; it’s about not letting the sadness win.”

 

Thursday, September 20

#TBT! I bet my mother was close to my age in this picture. It’s strange to think the picture I’m taking and memories I’m making now I will eventually be showing and telling my children! Although, this makes me want to step up my game! You’re only young once so this is your reminder to enjoy it!

As women get older, their risk of getting ovarian cancer rises. Why? Because the more menstrual cycles a woman has, the more likely she is to develop ovarian cancer. If you’ve been paying attention to all of my posts, you may realize a connection here, because in #Day11 I mentioned that pregnancy lowers a woman’s risk of developing ovarian cancer, which makes sense because while you’re pregnant you do not menstruate. #KnowOvarian #30DaysOfTeal #30ShadesOfReal #Day20

“Moving on is simple; it’s what you leave behind that makes it so difficult.”

 

Friday, September 21

So I’m guessing one of us children took this picture (I swear we’ve all gotten better at picture taking by now!). But, can you blame us for wanting to take a picture of our mother!? The shirt doesn’t lie…she is the BEST mom. If what I’ve said for the past 20 days wasn’t enough to prove it, then just ask ANYONE that knew her. So many teachers have personally told me how proud my mom was of us and how much she loved us; now, for that to come across to TEACHERS? That’s gotta say something. Don’t forget she was also a daughter, sister, wife, aunt, friend, and SO much more in life besides a mom, but the first thing anyone ever talks about was how much she beamed with pride because of her three children.

As I said in #Day20, the more menstrual cycles a woman has, the more likely she is to develop ovarian cancer. Well, keep in mind, other factors besides age can cause a woman to have more periods, and therefore increasing the risk of ovarian cancer – experiencing menopause after age 50, menstruating before age 12, never having children, or giving birth for the first time after 30. #KnowOvarian #30DaysOfTeal #30ShadesOfReal #Day21

“Life isn’t black and white. It’s a million gray areas.”

 

Saturday, September 22

Look at my momma pitch! I must’ve got my pitching abilities from her (if that can even be passed on genetically!) Lol I loved how my mom was so athletic & not a girly girl. She wasn’t afraid to get down and dirty or drink a nice cold beer. When she played for her company’s softball team I used to go with her all the time. That’s even where I learned to keep the “book”! They loved me there.

I still remember going back a few years after she had passed to visit the team, and they had my mother’s initials on their new team shirts. To this day that is still one of the most touching things I’ve experienced. I was so overwhelmed with emotion you don’t even know. The fact that she had that much impact is amazing and it felt SO good to know I wasn’t alone in the struggle of missing her.

Since my mom passed in the middle of my FIRST season of high school softball, she never really got to see me at my full potential. Like I’ve said before, if there’s anything she loved more it was watching our games and supporting us in everything. Towards the end when she started getting really bad all she was upset about was missing our softball games! She was even there once, oxygen tank & all because THAT’S how important it was to her. I miss her. And I miss her unwavering support of all my achievements.

Despite decades of research, we still don’t know very much about the origins of ovarian cancer or the mechanisms by which it develops. This is why I’ve devoted myself to #KnowOvarian and continue to spread awareness so you all know too. Tomorrow is the day I participate in the Breaking Silence on Ovarian Cancer 5K in West Orange, NJ. Team Donna will be there in full force, like every year before, because we don’t want another family to go through what we did. This one’s for you mom!  💜 #30DaysOfTeal #30ShadesOfReal #Day22

“Your perspective is really everything. How you view life is how life will appear to you.”

 

Sunday, September 23

My mom was definitely a beach lover! She could stay by the water on the beach all day! This is her on one of our vacations to Atlantis, Bahamas. It’s a shame we didn’t get a shore house until after she passed; she would’ve LOVED it! That’s why we have her picture hanging front and center on the wall, because (whether anyone likes it or not) that is HER house too.

It’s one thing to TALK about #KnowOvarian and another to take action! Today we let our actions speak when we took part in the Run/Walk to Break the Silence on Ovarian Cancer in West Orange, NJ. There has been a numerous amount of support along this journey, which has helped Team Donna raise over $1,200 for the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition-New Jersey Chapter! THANK YOU ALL! #30DaysofTeal #30ShadesofReal #Day23

“Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.”

 

Monday, September 24

As time goes on it gets harder and harder to remember. You know it’s already hard to remember things that happened when you were younger, so to only have a few limited years of vivid memories of her is tough. And the longer it’s been since those memories, the harder it is to remember. That makes sense, right?

This speaks to time. Time is so important in life. It’s probably the most valuable and taken for granted thing. You can’t get it back, so it’s important to spend it wisely. But, making those decisions as to HOW to spend it, well that’s the hardest part.

Maybe you’re bloated and have abdominal pain, but you brush it away in hopes it’s nothing and because you just don’t have “time” to go to the doctor. It seems like it’ll be fine, but that cyst on your ovaries is just growing and growing. Pretty soon, you’ll run out of TIME.

Due to ovarian cancer’s non-specific symptoms and lack of early detection tests, about 20% of all cases are found early, meaning in Stage 1 or 2. If caught in Stage 3 or higher, the survival rate can be as low as 28%. If you want to spend your time wisely, start to #KnowOvarian. #30DaysofTeal #30ShadesofReal #Day24

“Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.”

 

Tuesday, September 25

The LAST #TealTuesday of the month!! So, it’s only fitting I use a picture where she’s wearing #TEAL! It’s such a great color, I don’t know why it isn’t more popular. Clothing just doesn’t always come in that color option, and when it does sometimes it’s not even really “teal.” I guess that makes it all the more unique, just like my mom. 💜

As you may recall from #Day14 (see, I refer back a lot so I hope you’ve been following along!), we found out my mother had a higher risk of developing ovarian cancer because of the BRCA gene mutation (to learn more about that, refer back to #Day14 and #Day16). Well, in the general population, BRCA1 and BRCA2 mutations occur in one out of 500 people. For most people, that’s probably the size of your graduating high school class, so imagine one person having that gene in your class, and the next and the next and allll of the classes who have ever graduated in your town. Then think of your neighboring towns, and the rest of your county, and the whole state, not to mention the whole country! You may have a higher chance than you think. Don’t be scared, just #KnowOvarian so you can be ready incase you (or your sister, mother, daughter, aunt, cousin, or friend) is that ONE person. #30DaysofTeal #30ShadesofReal #Day25

“But darling, in the end you’ve got to be your own hero, because everybody’s trying to save themselves.”

 

Wednesday, September 26

We had to stick together. We were all each other had. No one else had lost a mother at age 17, 15, or 12. I imagine what our relationships would be like now had we not been forced to go through such a horrible experience. Losing our mother is something we each dealt with in such different ways, even to this day. Sometimes, I’m jealous of how much more time my sister got to spend with her than me, and sometimes my heart just breaks that my brother doesn’t remember half of the stories we share about the past.

Siblings already have a very strong bond, but I’ve learned first-hand that it CAN be broken, and that’s such a sad, sad thing. I’m pretty sure my mother would come back and haunt us if we ever cut our ties lose from each other, but I’m confident what we’ve been through has brought us even closer than we would’ve ever been. Everything we are we owe to our dear mother. Both of my parents actually. Every day I am thankful that I’ve been given these best friends for life! If you have siblings, hug them today! If you can’t hug them, give them a call or even a text. Be thankful. And make that promise to never give up on each other, no matter how rough the waters get. #KnowOvarian #30DaysofTeal #30ShadesofReal #Day26

“To the outside world, we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other’s hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time.”    

 

Thursday, September 27

Now, we talk about my mother having “ovarian cancer,” but I recently found out ovarian cancer is not just one disease. There are more than 30 different types of ovarian cancer, which are classified by the type of cell from which they start. Cancerous ovarian tumors start from 3 common cell types:

• surface epithelium (cells covering the outer lining of the ovaries
• germ cells (cells that are destined to form eggs)
• stromal cells (cells that release hormones and connect different structure of the ovaries)

This may not all make sense to you know, heck it barely makes sense to me too, but it can never hurt to #KnowOvarian. The more you know now, the better off you are later, incase you do happen to be that 1 in 75 who develops (ANY type of) ovarian cancer. #30DaysofTeal #30ShadesofReal #Day27

“You’re always one decision away from a totally different life.”

 

Friday, September 28

My mother was a warrior. I always knew she was strong, but don’t all daughters look up to their mothers and think they can do no wrong? Well, looking back I see just how much my mom was put through from ovarian cancer. Yet, she managed to keep fighting.

When she first started chemo and her hair was falling out, she just cut it off all at once instead of putting herself through the pain of watching it slowly fall out in clumps. She tried wigs, but she did not like the way they looked or felt, so she went with the scarves. She had a scarf to match pretty much every outfit; it was great. I can imagine it gave her something to look forward to, as opposed to doing her hair, she would search for the scarf she was going to wear that day. Because I was so young I was scared I would see her differently without hair, because I didn’t know any different. But I learned to adapt and she rocked that scarf, she rocked every look actually – full head of hair, scarf, peach fuzz, or baby curls – she was always perfect to me.

It’s important for you to #KnowOvarian because 26% of women with ovarian cancer are incorrectly referred to a gastroenterologist (who treats the digestive track). If you notice there’s a problem and you just don’t feel right, now you’ll know that ovarian cancer COULD be the cause of it and get yourself to the right doctor immediately. Don’t leave it up to those doctors; clearly, they ALL don’t know what they’re doing. You are your own detection. #30DaysofTeal #30ShadesofReal #Day28

“Without the ups and downs, life just wouldn’t be the same.”

 

Saturday, September 29

“My 3 cuties eating ice cream. Love it!! Mom”
That’s the caption that’s right next to this picture in our photo album. She went through a lot of old pictures at one point and started putting everything into albums and labeling it all. We didn’t know it at the time, but she left little notes next to some of her favorite ones. It may not have been a big deal at the time, but looking back I am SO thankful she did this. It gives me more of a glimpse into what she was thinking as she looked back at pictures like these. It lets me feel like she’s here again each time I read them. It makes those pictures THAT much more special because I know they were HER favorites. It’s such a small thing but, it really does make me smile. 💜

I’ve been feeding you a lot of information this past month, and I hope you’ve been following along. I’ll tell you, at the beginning of the month I made a list of all the facts and information I had to share, and I’ve finally come to the last one. We’ve talked about it before, but birth control is more than just a way to prevent pregnancy…the longer you use birth control, the lower your risk of developing ovarian cancer. So, parents, consider that when the time comes for your daughters to make that adult decision to start taking oral contraceptives. #KnowOvarian #30DaysofTeal #30ShadesofReal #Day29

“Sibling relationships…outlast marriages, survive the death of parents, resurface after quarrels that would sink any friendship. They flourish in a thousand incarnations of closeness and distance, warmth, loyalty and distrust.”   

 

Sunday, September 30

#Day30 already!?! Well, there are a few reasons I chose this picture for the last of #30DaysofTeal. I actually didn’t even know this picture existed until I went looking through photo albums for pictures to share this month, so that’s a plus. I don’t have very many GOOD pictures with my mom; I feel like I’m always using the same ones over & over again when I post for her birthday, anniversary, mother’s day, etc. Which leads me to this last point…

My mom was big on taking pictures to document our family trips and other milestones, and rightfully so. For the most part I smiled right along and it didn’t bother me. But, I remember very specific times I absolutely refused to take a picture, whether it was by myself, with my siblings, or with the whole family. And you know what? Out of EVERYTHING in my short 15 years with her — all the fights, name calling, bad days, or attitude given — not taking these pictures is what I fully regret the most, by far. Yes, we had fights and said some things in the heat of the moment, but I’m confident she knew I still loved her and I KNOW she loved me. I just can’t get over how crushed I probably made her feel by not taking those pictures…

My family likes to joke about it now, when you see me missing from a photo, or not smiling, or just not even standing close to anyone in the picture. But the truth is, it absolutely BREAKS my heart. Every time it’s brought up I’m reminded how much I must’ve broke my mother’s heart. And there’s nothing worse than knowing you made your mom upset…
oh wait, there is…her not being here for you to make up for it.

Take. Those. Pictures. Please. #KnowOvarian #30ShadesofReal

“Photographs open doors to the past, but they also allow a look into the future.”